Crystal-clear streams embraced the bustling capital, and the city woke up from its banks.
The thumping sound of laundry sticks beating clothes rose and fell, the scent of soapberries blending into the water, mingling with the perfume of makeup applied lazily at dawn and chasing the remnants of wine spilled after night feasts.
Willows were the curtains of the ancient path, swaying in the morning breeze, stirring the hustle and bustle of the market. The smell of steamed buns always clashed with the sweetness of sugar triangles[1], young boys with topknotted hair rode hobby horses around courtyards, while women with their hair tied up in buns carried bamboo baskets, picking out fresh vegetables. Occasionally, a fiery argument would erupt; the butcher Chen had a bad temper, chopping his cleaver on the thick cutting board, ready to debate with anyone.
The storytellers were never diligent, only starting their tales when the sun was high in the sky. Startled by the gavel, their brows would furrow, and their stories would come to life with spirit.
These were old, old stories, older even than the ancient ministers in the temples.
At the corner of the street with blue walls, skirts fluttered, and a lady with pale, powdered embroidered shoes stepped over a rod laid across the flagstones and gracefully entered her sedan chair, saying to the bearers, “Many thanks.”
The small sedan bounced along the main road from the south of the city to the north. A delicate hand lifted the curtain, and inside, the young lady gazed at the streets both familiar and unfamiliar.
The stone lions at the Gongsun residence were newly built. In the past, their family had been grand, with lion eyes made by gold inlaid with jade, a symbol of extravagant corruption that became known to the authorities. They were charged with embezzlement, their property was confiscated, and now their estate had been sold off.
When the Gongsun family was being raided, the second young mistress of the Gongsun family was visiting the Xiang residence, having just finished embroidering half a mandarin duck, and was so frightened that she nearly lost her soul.
The second young mistress was originally to be engaged to the second young master of the Xiang family, however, the sudden disaster left that arrangement without a follow-up. Outside the residence, the autumn wind swept the fallen leaves, and there were laughing children loudly shouting as they skipped by, “General Xiang has won the battle!”
“General Xiang has won the battle!”
“General Xiang is returning to court!”
The young lady inside the sedan smiled lightly, silently chanting in her heart, “Second brother.”
Passing through another street, they arrived at the Qianyu Pavilion, a favorite destination of noble ladies, brimming with rouge, jewelry, and silks, packing the street’s shops full. A subtle fragrance wafted through the air, casting a soft, hazy glow over the day.
A glamorous woman, dressed in a brocade robe from Shu, descended the steps, followed by a shy new bride. The wet nurse was holding an infant, plump as a snowball. They discussed the fashionable styles inside while turning back to instruct the nurse to drape the wind cover over the child to prevent catching a cold.
The sedan paused, and the young lady inside tapped her delicate chin, offering a reserved greeting, “Second mother, sister-in-law.”
The noblewomen did not turn their gaze towards them, continuing with their servants to the next shop.
The procession finally stopped in front of a grand residence with imposing gates. The ebony plaque bore the words ‘Prime Minister’s Mansion’ in the Emperor’s own calligraphy. The vermilion gates swung open, and the bearers carried the sedan chair over the high threshold, heading straight for the back courtyard.
The gardens of the southern region were always lush and green, with rockeries, ponds, pavilions, and towers arranged in a pleasing disarray that rivaled even the imperial gardens. A familiar maidservant hurried by, wiping the osmanthus oil from her hair, on her way to the kitchen. Soon after, a group of young maids scampered past, holding embroidery patterns and asking the head maid whether the Second Miss preferred to embroider or fly kites today.
The girl in the sedan chuckled softly. As she arrived at the Wanyue Pavilion, she stepped out of the sedan chair and looked around the deserted courtyard, already smelling of dust and neglect.
With a ‘creak,’ she pushed open the door to her boudoir, sat down at the writing desk, rolled up her sleeves and began to grind the ink. Against the sunlight streaming in through the morning window, brushing off layers of dust from the tabletop, she unfolded a sheet of paper and picked up her brush to write a letter.
“Esteemed Father and Mother, Your daughter, Xiang A-Xi, bids farewell.”
Mother dear, I dare not forget, my name is Xiang A-Xi.
When I was learning to write, you said the character ‘Xi’ was not good, representing the setting sun and withered vines—always fading, never staying.
Yet, you explained, ‘Xi’ is also the ‘new moon rising,’ which appears while the sun still lingers in the sky, thus the moon does not need to be too bright, like a tender bud, curled up on the horizon.
It is the purest, free from impurities, and most adorably young.
So every time I am called A-Xi, it is as if parents are thinking of me, no matter where I am.
You would never imagine that I went to a place utterly unlike here, where buildings stand twenty to thirty people high, where one can travel eight hundred li[2] in a day, and a voice can be heard by thousands in an instant.
I tried to come back. Standing under a tree during a torrential thunderstorm, I did not know if I would ever have the chance to return, but I looked up and saw a girl.
She stood in a glass vestibule, and just a quarter-hour before, she had said to me, ‘Hurry along, Xiang Wan, hurry along.’ However, her eyes told me she could not bear to let me go.
She was in dire straits then, with just two boiled eggs in the morning—one for her, one for me—and she was reluctant to cook a third. At night, two bowls of instant noodles—one for her, one for me—were considered an uncommonly good meal.
So I thought, if she is in such difficulty, I shall return later after earning some money to repay her.
That repayment turned out to be much more than just money.
Over two years, I’ve experienced much and ultimately became family with her, even acknowledging her mother as my godmother.
So there, I also have people who care for me, who love me. Though it’s not like the grace of a parent’s upbringing, it’s a sincere and emotional bond formed by chance, which I hold dear and will never forget.
The next words, I wish to address to Second Brother.
Second Brother, I say this to you because I made a promise while swinging on the swing set with you. I said that if I ever had someone special, you would be the first to know.
So you should understand what I’m about to tell you.
She’s different from anyone you or I had ever imagined. She comes from the wilds, she can ride horses, she can fight, and I’ve heard her swear before. She told me that swearing in her place is quite strange, like calling someone a ‘god,’ which is odd because here, gods are beings we offer reverence to, right?
I don’t understand it, yet she never looks down on me. She always does her utmost to help me, letting me stay in her home, and taking me out for fun. Whatever I say, she agrees. She makes a tomato meatball soup that’s especially delicious, even better than what the imperial kitchen can offer—apologies, I forgot, we don’t have tomatoes here. If only I could bring a few back, they’re red and sour, however, they don’t hurt your teeth, and the soup is incredibly sweet.
Her talents extend far beyond this, she’s a highly respected senior in the voice acting field, and anyone who receives her guidance is considered very niu.[3] ‘Niu’ here doesn’t mean the cows from our farm, but it signifies being the best of the best. If you want to add more flair to it, you can say “niupi.”
She also smokes, have you ever seen a girl smoke? Not the water pipes we have here. The first time I saw her, she had a thin cigarette in a dimly lit corridor, and I thought she looked more imposing than you with your spear. Don’t be upset with this comparison; you’re now a general, and there are others besides me who find you imposing. I’ve given my admiration to her.
She also sings beautifully, especially in foreign languages. Second Brother, the foreigners don’t eat people, and once you understand their language, it has its own rhythm and melody that’s quite captivating. Regrettably, I can’t attach sounds to this letter, or else I would recite a bit for you to hear.
By now, you must be curious to meet her, to see for yourself what kind of person could earn such high praise from me. But sadly, this is the very reason I am writing to you.
She is on the other side of the world, and I am going to find her.
I don’t have time to see you or our parents because I am in such a hurry.
I can hear her softly calling me “Wanwan,” I can feel her holding my hand, she seems to be trembling, she seems to be afraid, she seems… to be crying.
Do you know? She never cries. The only two times she did, it was because of me.
How could there be such a girl? Heaven has never been kind to her, even pursuing a peaceful life requires her to fight with all her might. I had wanted to spend our days together from now on, slowly making up for the hardships of the past.
However, I’ve fallen ill, severely ill, and she must be extremely worried. She has worked so hard, and her nerves have been on edge for over a week without rest. I can’t bear it, I can’t stand to leave her like this.
So this is as far as I can go with you, Second Brother, we probably won’t meet again.
Please kowtow to our parents for me, wishing them health and a life free from worries until a ripe old age.
“Sincerely, Xiang A-Xi.”
Xiang Wan put down her pen, looking at the letter without moving.
In truth, this letter can no longer be sent, because more than two years ago, she had been buried.
The dust-laden room starkly reminded her that the young girl, who had languished on her sickbed, was buried on a day of thunderous rain, her coffin sealed tightly with the finest of Phoebe wood.
After nearly three years of avoidance, she finally filled the void in her memory.
Typically, a noble girl would be promised in marriage by thirteen or fourteen, and if a daughter of the Prime Minister’s house hadn’t married by seventeen or eighteen, there were other plans in motion.
Her father, a staunch hawk, most wanted to win over the general of the Western Expedition, the Marquis of Zhenyuan, whose martial prowess struck fear into the barbarians after over a decade of war.
Stationed at the frontier for nearly five years, he was nearing forty and still unwed.
The Prime Minister wished to forge a marriage alliance, and his precious jewel Xiang Wan could not defy him, but she would sit with her knees hugged to her chest, gazing at the stars in the vast sky, waiting for the return of her ‘fiancé’ whom she’d never met.
With a heart unwilling and resentful, over time, her grief turned into sickness.
Had it not been for a trip back to her hometown with Chao Xin and hearing the story of Chao Wang being forced into marriage, Xiang Wan would have completely forgotten.
She was once Xiang Wan, the beloved of many, yet she was also Xiang Wan, equally cherished and constrained.
Not because of her father, nor her mother, but simply because that was the way of the Li dynasty, it had always been so.
Xiang A-Xi died in the Li dynasty at the age of eighteen.
Xiang Wan stood up, brushing the dust off her body.
- A common cooked wheaten food in northern China. [return to text]
- Eight hundred li equals around 400 km now. [return to text]
- Niu(牛) originally means cow in Chinese, but can also be used to describe something is powerful, excellent. [return to text]
CNYuriTranslation 